Nauvoo, July 6-10: Opening Weekend!

The pageant opened this weekend to nigh-pentecostal miracles. I'll try to capture them and all the other fun stories I've heard before I crash to sleep. I am just getting over a cold and without some real rest I'll never kick it. I feel the fatigue pounding behind my eyes but here I am wide awake.

I performed the Letters Between Joseph and Emma duet with Melinda today for the first time. It was nice. The performance was touching, and I just love singing with Mel. She sounds so beautiful every time, and is a polished performer. Helps me to boost myself a notch. What's fun is the enjoyment is mutual.

So since David grounded our twitterpated selves, the two of us have found some nice neutral ground, I would say. The first days were hard. We all but avoided each other. The day after on the Fourth of July, we were set to sing the Wheels of a Dream song at the Fourth of July show in Carthage's town square. The show was thrown together, but the author, Ross, couldn't do anything mediocre, despite the time restraints. He put together a very touching show. I sing Anthem and Wheels of a Dream. I was flattered that Ross and Gayle would choose me to be a part of the show with Michelle, Dallyn, Aaron, Melinda, Heather and Ross. Wheels of a Dream is a favorite of Melinda's and me to sing with the other, but with the sudden situation, we didn't really pull it off--I was afraid to be anywhere near her, and I was exhausted from my long night the night before. As we prepped for the show I sat on a little stage in our waiting room across the street from the square she sat somewhat near me, and Gayle literally pulled her off the stage and onto the floor and sat where she had been. It was funny--and caught on tape. As we walked to the stage we somehow were next to each other again, and Melinda remarked, "I suppose we can't even walk next to each other." I thought that going that far was ridiculous, and I told her so. Since, however, we've warmed up again, and now it feels like we understand our limitations and enjoy our time together within them. The circle within the square. Better, we aren't forgetting the pageant. We are first and foremost missionaries, and our performances show it. We're never alone or really even next to each other. The other night, I was out gathering the last things I needed for the night and saw Melinda out trying to send a text message--to me. We saw the other and started talking and before we knew it it had been 30 minutes and we were alone for the first time since our reprimands. We discussed our basic spiritual personality and the history therein, and then, of course, David walks out of another apartment. We had no idea he was there and had no intention to be alone that night. He chitchatted for a second before levelling out with, "Now I know you didn't know I was in that apartment, and i don't want you to go away not knowing what I'm thinking about this. And I just want to ask, how can I help you?" I simply said that it was a fluke event (the first time we'd been alone), and we're fine, and our focus is back. He said it was apparent in our work, and said that he was very impressed with the humble and penitent way I had responded to his talk with me. That meant a lot coming from David. I often have little to say or really contribute to show me as a person of quality and worth among this crowd, but that was something.

It's really hard at times. I all but burst at times talking to her. I try to help her or cheer her in any way I can, like a loving friend would. I don't know how to do it at all, but it happens, and the things I don't even think about get it done. On Saturday, the Sociable was giving its dress rehearsal, and we were still trying to find even ground between us. I tried not to even touch her. She came in crying because of something someone said. We were ready to go out and the prayer was being said, and I had no idea of what to say or do. I was dying inside seeing her like that, so I just wrapped an arm around and pulled her close. Seemed to help before, and this was something anyone would have done for her, so I found it quite necessary despite. I pulled her in and she calmed and stopped shaking, almost like the Mother Teresa movie clip, so I guess it helped. She's become sick with whatever I caught in the last few days. I sent a text message and thought to say, "Hurrah for Israel," like the old story. I was able to participate in giving her a blessing yesterday before the show. I anointed and went to give the real blessing instead of pronouncing the annointing. I caught it midway and just sounded kinda dumb, but she said I had great strenght and that the blessing the other brother pronounced and everything was very amazing. I don't know. I contacted her cousin and asked her to send several pictures of Jasmine to her, too, as she missed that dog very much. I can't wait to see her reaction, but I hope that she doesn't know I asked for them to be sent. I hope she does at the same time. Bah. Anyway.

Melinda just seems to see things in me that I don't know are there: strength and charisma, charm and ability, enough to be inspired herself into wanting to be better. What I love about it is that I'm just being myself, and she sees these things. I told her last night that I can only hope to live up to the man she seems to see. It reminds me of what Dad has told me, that one day a girl will just walk up and claim me. He has has inspiration to tell me that I would meet someone at Nauvoo, and my patriarchal blessing itself contains the phrase "you shall meet, in holy places, a sweet, faithful daughter of Zion whose hand you shall ask in marriage." The Lord has called me to serve in this holy place. I reflect on this occasionally, but I can't tell really anyone. I have no real indication that Melinda is that person, nor can I assume one, and therefore I can only keep hope and speculation in my heart. But other happenings that spur these thoughts on:

Melinda and I are married?
On several occasions Melinda and I have been mistaken as spouses. The first, during the first week, we would often play with little 5 year-old Sarah Allen. We went over to the Allen's one afternoon. The children ran Melinda and me over practically. First we were to play house and Melinda and I were the parents. Then we went downstairs where the Sarah insisted we play "7 Brides from 7 Brothers." Ha ha. You apparently take a blanket and you have to go catch girls in it and take them back to a home base. Sarah suggested we watch the movie so we know how to play. Somehow I was the only boy with a blanket. Sarah hid herself in a place where were I go in it would just be her and I and I wasn't comfortable with that. So I called and said her Dad was calling for her. I hid behind a corner with the blanket out like a bull-fighter. She ran down and round the corner right into it. Anyway. Since that fun day Sarah latched onto us who were always together. One family cast member remarked to Paul Walstad (Wally) that those two have the cutest little daughter together. Uh oh.

The first day of the Trail of Hope vignette. I am down next to Melinda at the end. When we were ready to finish Jen came to get Melinda and take her back after her last group had passed from her to me. Jen said she had to wait for me to finish and asked Melinda if she wanted to watch my vignette with her, and they came over. When I'd finished, an older man who lived in Nauvoo came up to thank me. He looked at her and then at me, who were nowhere near the other nor had been the entire time and said, "Now you two are married, right?"
"No. Should we be?" came her response.
"You two just go together," he said.
"Our clothes or our faces, us?"
"Just you two."
Something like that just doesn't happen, does it?

Last night (Tuesday) we met a family from California. They were nice, and as I was talking, Melinda came up and joined in. We were again a few feet from the other, naturally keeping as much if not more distance than normally two people would. The 18 or so year-old remarked, "Now you two are together, right?" Huh?

I wasn't there for the next one, but Melinda told me last night that a girl in the cast asked her if she and I were married. What? We've been good at being platonic not even touching the other on the shoulder for a week. How is this happening?

Okay, so that's about it in terms of Melinda. My focus is back, but she's still the other main part of my life. In other news, Jared's wife Natalie came and moved into our apartment for a few days. We had to find lodging elsewhere. I've gotten to know them and it's been really fun. I kinda watch their relationship to see what normal or young marriages are like. I really like though what David said to me that night he helped me regain my senses. He said that I should wait until I find a marriage that flows unto me without compulsory means. The scripture embodies already what I've found has entered my heart as the chief component of whom I seek to marry, and takes it out of the eneffible realm. I love when that happens. I suppose that my anxiety about Melinda in the midst of all these marvelous events (not just those above) stems from the fact that I feel this relationship has come up in very much that way, and then it lacks that at the same time. Or rather, I don't trust it to come without compulsory means, and I agonize about the moment when it won't, but somehow it hasn't yet.

My parents were here this weekend, too, oh geez I have to write about that. No time. I've barely got in Melinda, let alone opening weekend. Maybe I should have done that first and then Mel. Shows how my priorities really are, eh, perhaps? Well, as I'll say in my next post (I need to rest a bit), I'm finding myself relaxing and becoming a part of this group, and finding my confidence again. More later.